Of round pegs in square holes or is it square pegs in round holes?
The need to be chosen by a mate, a company, a school, a friend, a neighbour. The need to fit into the neighbourhood, the club, the clique. The need to be with it! Whatever it is, at that particular moment, forget that if we asked for an explanation we would get a story with more holes than a fishermans’ net. Is it a need, a want, an expectation ….
We take jobs that on paper are a perfect fit, but the hours, the company culture, the boss is a different story. Our gut tells us no, but we need a bigger house, a better car, a holiday we can post on the various social media channels, the list is endless. And so, when we are unhappy on the ride to work, while scanning job adverts we tell ourselves “at least I have a job that pays for the stress and offers medical cover in case the stress gets worse.”
We date people that at best would be our good friends and at worst the enemy. But the clock is ticking or is it that the entire posse from uni is settling down and you will be caught dead alone? On the first date we know “this is going nowhere’ but why not just see that maybe the instincts are wrong, maybe you are overthinking it ….. When you said you wanted to settle down with someone who shared similar interests you did not mean similar but something close to it and of course they will change!
We would tell our friends that they were making a mistake but how do we ask them to check their specks while we have logs obstructing our view? How would you start the conversation with a womanising friend who gets home at 3am when you both leave the bar at the same time? And when their marriage falls apart or when they cannot remember their children’s age, why not blame his wife for not keeping him informed? Would you give your single friend financial advice when she knows you have to shred receipts of some purchases so that your husband does not find them? What happens when she buys that car that everyone knows she cannot afford? So we take the job, date the man and take the trip. And die a thousand little deaths everyday as we avoid real conversations.
Who taught us it was ok to become a forced fit?
When the job ends, when the rent is in arrears, when the person you settled for does not choose you, when the life you live does not bring joy, when the shame and frustration creeps in, what do you tell yourself? Heartbreak? If indeed it is heartbreak, why is the emotion not seeping through? How are you able to hold onto ‘hope’ with a broken heart? Or is it that our ego gets bruised and saying that it was a mistake would chip the perfect mask? And so we fight on for things and opportunities that were never ours.
How do you know that you are the problem? What would happen if we all accepted that some opportunities were not ours? That in some cases we are butlers. That what is ours speaks to our hearts with clarity and peace. If we permitted ourselves the pleasure of only choosing what we truly wanted and that fit us, without the fear of what we may be missing, would we not let those around do the same and in turn have more honest lives?
No need being a square peg in a round hole, there are many square pegs with your name on it.
FOMO will lead you over a cliff.